No one expects any marriage to be conflict free, we all have different values and views as well as many different ideas on accomplishing a task. Even Natasha and I have disagreements that lead to compromise. I would honestly be very firm with you that if you have no conflict in your marriage then something is wrong as one is not opening up to the other. Here are my 8 top tips for effective conflict resolution in your marriage:
- Marriage is a “We” Business
Any couple who gains a ‘we’ perspective eventually experiences great success in marriage.” Shift the focus of your marriage to a “we” mentality, especially in conflict.
- Deal with the Issue as Quickly as Possible
Deal with conflict by getting problems out in the open and addressing them head-on. Don’t let issues fester below the surface and never let it carry on into the next day.
- Stick to the Subject
If you are in the middle of an argument with your spouse, stay focused on resolving that current conflict. Don’t throw old fights or problems into the discussion, you want to snuff out the angry fire and not put more fuel onto it.
- Don’t Intimidate
Some people become more concerned with “winning” a fight than working through the conflict. They may become mean, intimidating or threatening in order to stay in the fight. Remember that intimidation may result in victory for an individual, but I’ve never seen it produce victory for the marriage.
- No Name-Calling
Establish a rule with your spouse that there will be no name-calling during a fight. Name-calling will only lead to more hurt and emotional distance between the two of you.
- Turn Up Your Listening Sensitivity
While it may be hard to actively listen to your spouse when your emotions are running high from an argument, you must take the time to try and see their point of view. This is key to the road to resolution. When your spouse feels listened to, they will be more willing to listen to what you have to say, as well.
- Practice Give and Take
What we must understand is that marriage is a partnership and therefore requires both give and take to be successful. Be willing to compromise on certain issues that are more important to your spouse. Choose your battles wisely.
- Celebrate Every Victory
Recognize the victories when you and your spouse successfully work through a conflict together. Focus on the progress you have made as a couple and the new strengths that you have together as a result.
We would love to hear about how you resolve conflict in your relationship in the comments box below.